Am I too old to learn?

The other day, after watching hours of GCM and CMT with my parents, I decided I wanted to learn a new skill. I've decided I want to learn how to play the guitar; and no....I do not want to be on CMT or be a "music writer." I just want to strum along to basic songs for the grand kids at camp outs, or holidays.

I announced this plan on Facebook. Big mistake! Now I have to try. My questions to myself is, "Am I too old to learn a new thing like playing the guitar?" Debating this issue finally lead me to Barns and Noble where I purchased a book with a CD. Now I really feel committed. Usually shopping and buying is such a high for me, but this time I knew it would be different. It would mean COMMITMENT!

The young man who rang up my purchase looked at me with a smile, and ask if I was getting it for myself. I wanted to lie and say no, but being like old George...I could not tell a lie. Immediately, upon admitting to this temporary bout of insanity, he started telling me his life history of playing the guitar. He played bass, he played electric, he played for his Spanish Class at PVHS, he played for the little children at the Lutheran church. On and on and on. I was waiting for him to say he had played at Woodstock, but he was too young for that!

I left Barns and Noble with a new sense of determination...I will learn the guitar. Don't expect Blake Shelton, Johnny Cash, or Carrie Underwood. Maybe I'll shoot for ,"Row, Row, Row Your Boat," that sounds right down my guitar strings ...if you know what I mean! If you see me with bloody fingers, you'll know I have went over the top. But I am going to give it a try. I never said I would play the guitar well...just play it!

Observations

Walking in the park the other day, I was amazed to come upon several flocks of little tiny birds. They had bright yellow, or bright red breasts. I'd say they were the size of a twinkie. As I walked quietly by, all of the birds immediately took flight...except one little bird.

Now, although I know I posed no threat to this tiny bird, I was surprised at how long it just stood there and watched me. I stopped and watched it back. I wondered why this one bird would dare to stay behind, when all of the others had taken flight and perched in the branches of the trees for safety?

Later in the day, I watched as two new baby calves raced across the field; ignoring the other cows and fence lines around them. They were having unabashed fun. I'll confess; I envied them for a moment. It must be nice to run and play, and not have responsibilities to fulfill.

When I arrived home after observing these events of nature; I felt compelled to stop and really take a serious look around me. I walked around the yard and really looked at the yard and our home. It brought back fond memories of when we ran and played with our children. There were times of unabashed fun, and silliness. Now our children have grown, we have the blessing of each of our grandchildren near by. They can make me laugh quicker than anything. They can help me enjoy even the boring, mundane things of life.

Yesterday, Shelby walked in our kitchen, and noticed a bowl of figs that Larry had picked and put in a bowl. She hadn't seen figs before, and they reminded her of something more common to a three year old. She looked at the bowl of figs, and asked, "Grandma, are those poops in the bowl?" Sincere as she was; I couldn't helping cracking up.

My grand kids teach me something about life every day. My oldest grandson Matt teaches me compassion, and empathy. He is quick to show affection, and is a very intelligent boy. Emily has taught me to try. She is excited to learn and do new things. Nate is a living lesson plan on how to enjoy the great outdoors...specifically DIRT!

Talia has taught me the value in cracking up over nothing! She brings a smile to my by just walking in the room. Cicily is such an example of kindness. She shepherds those younger than her with love and gentleness. Our little Xander has shown all of us the fun and joy in running. Although I cannot run, I love to watch him take off across the room. He finds sheer delight in the freedom to move.

Shelby has taught me about love and devotion. She compels me to be silly, and to play, play, play. And then comes Kylee. What a sweet, gentle spirit she has about her. When I hold her I feel peace and sweetness that is unique to infants. In February I'll become acquainted with our newest grandchild. I can hardly wait to see what special things she or he can teach us.

So why am I writing about grandchildren, birds, cows, and poops...I really don't know. But maybe you can find a message in this tale, that will inspire you to enjoy life even more fully than you do now. There is always something new to learn, and experience. We need to have the faith and wisdom of a child, and learn to appreciate the simple things of life.

Grateful for the Journey

Today I was listening to a Carrie Underwood Song that I have listened to many times before. But today, it just hit me right in the heart. I wish I could remember the title of the song, but basically it talks about how our time here on earth, is just a part of our journey.

As I have sat with my mother endless hours over the last eight weeks; I have come to realize just how important this part of our journey is. I've also decided that we don't partake of this life nearly as much as we should. It seems like we are all caught up in just making it through the week, so we can rush through the weekend, and start all over again on Mondays.

There is, and has to be, more to life than just making it to the finish line. It is more about how we get there...it's about the journey. My brother, Mike, blogged about a run he shared with his youngest son, and how wonderful it was to enjoy that journey with him. Several times I've mentioned how I have these ah ha moments with my grandchildren. Feeding fish, looking in the bushes, marveling at a bird's nest...that's the journey.

Now that my journey is most likely half way done; I find myself wishing that I could have a few do-overs. Not a lot mind you...just a few. At the top of my list would would be to spend more time with my children. At the time you are raising them, it seems so difficult to stay on top of everything. But what is most important isn't the stack of laundry, or a messy room crying for attention; it is the time with your children.

It seems like only yesterday that I had four little ones. Now my baby just turned 24, and I've had to accept that I can no longer claim to be 29! I often wonder where all the time went. So parents, enjoy your children. One day they will be adults, and won't need you quite as much as they use to. They too, become caught up in the wheels of life, and before you know it; they are parents too.

Remember the old expression, "take time to smell the roses." I use to roll my eyes when I heard it. But I have come to realize how true it is. Take time to lay on the lawn at night, and point out the stars. Make time for those walks in the park, baking cookies, serving others. Teach your children a silly song, or a nursery rhyme. Create and take those teachable moments, and make them memorable.

I am so grateful for a mother and father who made time to do things with our family. Some of my fondest memories are of going to the Unitah Mountains to camp and fish. Those trips didn't cost a lot of money, but they created valuable memories. Memories of our journey as a family. I hope and pray that I am helping those I love to enjoy the journey. To look for opportunities to love life; so that when we come to the finish line we will have no regrets.

Breaking a Heart

Have you ever experienced a broken heart? If you have, you can understand how I am feeling tonight. There are several reasons for my broken heart. Let's begin by listing them.

1. Watching your mother struggle to stay alive, while her body wants to give up...but her spirit doesn't. It is heart wrenching. She can no longer do the simplest things in life: reach with her arms, wiggle her toes, walk with her legs, stand on her feet, or tell you she loves you. She'll never again sit at my dinner table for Sunday Dinner. We'll never go shopping together again. We can't even watch a movie together. She lays in her bed, with her eyes looking far beyond me, and cries, and cries, and cries. I don't know if it is pain, depression or fear that makes her cry. I only know it is breaking my heart piece by piece, and I don't know how to help her...to help me. I know my mom, as I have known her for 54 years, is gone, and I have a different mother to care for and about. So it goes, broken heart number one.

2. I have a nine year old grandson who I love more than life itself. He is a sweet, caring young man. He is perfect in my eyes. But this last year at school, kids began calling him names because his ears stand out a little more than most people. Watching this sweet boy be hurt by names such as Dumbo is the second breaking of my heart. Because of the cruelness of others, he is having ear surgery early in the morning to correct his ears. All this because of the rudeness and stupidity of others. It not only breaks my heart; it brings out the mother bear in me. Let anyone come near this boy with any negativity, and someone will have to hold me back. This part of my heart will mend, but it will also ache for my boy who doesn't deserve to experience pain because of others who are thoughtless.

3.Now I suppose you are thinking, what possibly could be a third heart breaker for this woman of tears. Well, my heart breaks over the loss of a friend. A friend that mattered to me. A friend whose e-mails brightened my day, and gave me courage to move forward. The last e-mail from my friend, seemed a little off. Something is wrong, and I haven't heard anything for a week. Dear friend, my heart aches for you. I hope you are all right. Brighten my heart again. I need your friendship.

4.Could I possibly have another piece of my heart broken? Unfortunately yes. It is broken over what has been lost in my life. It is broken for the health problems that worry me day in and day out. For the friends and loves I have lost. My heart breaks over the loneliness I feel, even in a group of friends or family.

The question is, "How do you mend a broken heart?" This is hard to do when you are in the middle of this. It isn't like you can run over to Wal-mart and buy replacement parts. You can't eat or drink your way out of it, nor do you want to. There is no magic pill that will heal a broken heart. So where does one go, when things are falling apart, (and it isn't just the four things mentioned )

My own answer to this question is, "Go to the peaks, and look back at the valleys." When we do this we can look back at what we learned when things were going better ( at the peaks), and use our knowledge to climb out of the valley where things aren't so good. So for know, I am climbing out of my personal valley, attempting to reach a peak. I know I can do this, even with a broken heart. Because...even though my heart is broken...it is still my heart, and I still care about the happiness of my heart. So off I go to seek the answers to my questions, and if along the way you spot me, wave me on with words of love and encouragement.

Through the Eyes of a Child

I spent a good part of my afternoon today playing with my three year old grand-daughter. It started with watching a little of "Alice in Wonderland," then reading 12 books to her on her bed until I about fell asleep, which then moved to Grandma's House. From there we fed the pigs, (Spotty and Pinky), checked out the chickens and pigeons, man-handled the cat, played on the swing-set, and then came inside for treats and "playing furniture" ( the doll-house.) It was a great afternoon.

Whenever I have these precious moments, I stop and wonder if I was this attentive to my own children. Did I take the time to sit and play? Did I give them enough memories for a lifetime? Was I the mother I wanted to be? I hope I can answer positively that I did. But I do know, that I am a far better person because of these sweet little people called grand-children.

From them I have learned to look at things through the eyes of a child. A lizard in the bushes isn't just that....it's an exciting adventure. Not just to see it, put to "REALLY SEE IT!" Questions come as quickly as falling water. Dripping with the standard why, where, how, and when. Then comes the looking, the examining, the discussion. I find myself seeing a teaching moment in everything that happens during our times together.

Shelby's favorite question is "what cause?" It is so sweet and innocent. She is so excited to learn about her world around her. I take seriously my opportunity to be one of the people she receives her input from. Additionally, it forces me to be continuously aware of my surroundings.
It keeps my "child eyes" open. It gives me an appreciation for the world around me.

The next time you see something for the first time, challenge yourself to really see it. To ask the "what cause" questions. Share your knowledge and questions with those around you, be they young or old. In other words, see life through the eyes of a child, and you will see a marvelous world waiting for you to explore.

Memorial Day Should Be Every Day

Call me a sap, but every Memorial Day I feel such great love for my country, and those who have served to protect us. My father was a Navy man. I love to look at pictures of him in his uniform. I'm remined today of those who have given the ultimate sacrifice for us. We shouldn't have to have a day to remind us. Every day, we should remember those in the Military, and their families.

From the time I was in elementary school, I've cried when the flag passes by. My emotions get the best of me when I see soldiers carrying the flag in a parade, or scouts posting the colors at the Court of Honor. Patriotic songs REALLY get to me. Each year I would teach my fourth graders all of the patriotic songs, and then bawl when they sang them. It reaches somewhere into my soul that I can't explain.

I love my country. It saddens me to see the type of leadership that makes decisions regarding its care. Give me the Constitution anyday.

Thank you to all of you who have served our country. Thank you Dad for instilling in me the love for the flag and the USA. We truly are blessed each day.

Why do want, what we can't have?

Despite being totally exhausted today, I have wondered why we can't always have what we want? In a perfect world wouldn't it be great to always get what we wanted? I say this, meaning within reason...what you want. For instance, my wish list would include great kidneys, enough money to be able to go where I want, more beautiful grandchildren, and a romantic and caring man.

Now I ask you...does that sound unreasonable? Just once in awhile, I wish one of my dreams could come true. This last month, I did get one of my wishes; a beautiful new grand-daughter. As I held her today, I marveled at how perfect she is, her beautiful complexion, her sweet little lips, her fine baby hair. She is a wish come true.

But back to my personal wishes. I wish there was a way to take your body to a body shop, and get brand new replacements...like tires. In my case, I would pull up, and get a new set of kidneys. That would be awesome! I quess my challenge is to find what I want, in what I have.

Duke Ellington said; "A problem is a chance for you do to your best." That is the secret to facing trials and adversities, and coming out a stronger and better person for it. I just read a book titles, "Peaks and Valleys" by Dr. Spencer Johnson. In it he refers to our low times as valleys, and our better times as peaks. When we are in our valleys, we want to come out of them having grown stronger, and better for the experience. That way, when we reach our peaks, we can appreciate them all the more.

In other words, less time in the valley, and more time on the peak will make us happier. Perhaps then we can look back and see that we really have gotten what we wanted. I once heard someone say that a bend in the road is not the end of the road...unless you fail to make the turn.

I for one, am not about to miss the turn. I've ran off the road a few times, but that isn't going to keep me from moving forward. Yes, there are things I wish I had. Things I wish I could change. But the biggest change I can make is in myself. Remember this, that "every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." ~Og Mandino