Have you ever experienced a broken heart? If you have, you can understand how I am feeling tonight. There are several reasons for my broken heart. Let's begin by listing them.
1. Watching your mother struggle to stay alive, while her body wants to give up...but her spirit doesn't. It is heart wrenching. She can no longer do the simplest things in life: reach with her arms, wiggle her toes, walk with her legs, stand on her feet, or tell you she loves you. She'll never again sit at my dinner table for Sunday Dinner. We'll never go shopping together again. We can't even watch a movie together. She lays in her bed, with her eyes looking far beyond me, and cries, and cries, and cries. I don't know if it is pain, depression or fear that makes her cry. I only know it is breaking my heart piece by piece, and I don't know how to help her...to help me. I know my mom, as I have known her for 54 years, is gone, and I have a different mother to care for and about. So it goes, broken heart number one.
2. I have a nine year old grandson who I love more than life itself. He is a sweet, caring young man. He is perfect in my eyes. But this last year at school, kids began calling him names because his ears stand out a little more than most people. Watching this sweet boy be hurt by names such as Dumbo is the second breaking of my heart. Because of the cruelness of others, he is having ear surgery early in the morning to correct his ears. All this because of the rudeness and stupidity of others. It not only breaks my heart; it brings out the mother bear in me. Let anyone come near this boy with any negativity, and someone will have to hold me back. This part of my heart will mend, but it will also ache for my boy who doesn't deserve to experience pain because of others who are thoughtless.
3.Now I suppose you are thinking, what possibly could be a third heart breaker for this woman of tears. Well, my heart breaks over the loss of a friend. A friend that mattered to me. A friend whose e-mails brightened my day, and gave me courage to move forward. The last e-mail from my friend, seemed a little off. Something is wrong, and I haven't heard anything for a week. Dear friend, my heart aches for you. I hope you are all right. Brighten my heart again. I need your friendship.
4.Could I possibly have another piece of my heart broken? Unfortunately yes. It is broken over what has been lost in my life. It is broken for the health problems that worry me day in and day out. For the friends and loves I have lost. My heart breaks over the loneliness I feel, even in a group of friends or family.
The question is, "How do you mend a broken heart?" This is hard to do when you are in the middle of this. It isn't like you can run over to Wal-mart and buy replacement parts. You can't eat or drink your way out of it, nor do you want to. There is no magic pill that will heal a broken heart. So where does one go, when things are falling apart, (and it isn't just the four things mentioned )
My own answer to this question is, "Go to the peaks, and look back at the valleys." When we do this we can look back at what we learned when things were going better ( at the peaks), and use our knowledge to climb out of the valley where things aren't so good. So for know, I am climbing out of my personal valley, attempting to reach a peak. I know I can do this, even with a broken heart. Because...even though my heart is broken...it is still my heart, and I still care about the happiness of my heart. So off I go to seek the answers to my questions, and if along the way you spot me, wave me on with words of love and encouragement.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Through the Eyes of a Child
I spent a good part of my afternoon today playing with my three year old grand-daughter. It started with watching a little of "Alice in Wonderland," then reading 12 books to her on her bed until I about fell asleep, which then moved to Grandma's House. From there we fed the pigs, (Spotty and Pinky), checked out the chickens and pigeons, man-handled the cat, played on the swing-set, and then came inside for treats and "playing furniture" ( the doll-house.) It was a great afternoon.
Whenever I have these precious moments, I stop and wonder if I was this attentive to my own children. Did I take the time to sit and play? Did I give them enough memories for a lifetime? Was I the mother I wanted to be? I hope I can answer positively that I did. But I do know, that I am a far better person because of these sweet little people called grand-children.
From them I have learned to look at things through the eyes of a child. A lizard in the bushes isn't just that....it's an exciting adventure. Not just to see it, put to "REALLY SEE IT!" Questions come as quickly as falling water. Dripping with the standard why, where, how, and when. Then comes the looking, the examining, the discussion. I find myself seeing a teaching moment in everything that happens during our times together.
Shelby's favorite question is "what cause?" It is so sweet and innocent. She is so excited to learn about her world around her. I take seriously my opportunity to be one of the people she receives her input from. Additionally, it forces me to be continuously aware of my surroundings.
It keeps my "child eyes" open. It gives me an appreciation for the world around me.
The next time you see something for the first time, challenge yourself to really see it. To ask the "what cause" questions. Share your knowledge and questions with those around you, be they young or old. In other words, see life through the eyes of a child, and you will see a marvelous world waiting for you to explore.
Whenever I have these precious moments, I stop and wonder if I was this attentive to my own children. Did I take the time to sit and play? Did I give them enough memories for a lifetime? Was I the mother I wanted to be? I hope I can answer positively that I did. But I do know, that I am a far better person because of these sweet little people called grand-children.
From them I have learned to look at things through the eyes of a child. A lizard in the bushes isn't just that....it's an exciting adventure. Not just to see it, put to "REALLY SEE IT!" Questions come as quickly as falling water. Dripping with the standard why, where, how, and when. Then comes the looking, the examining, the discussion. I find myself seeing a teaching moment in everything that happens during our times together.
Shelby's favorite question is "what cause?" It is so sweet and innocent. She is so excited to learn about her world around her. I take seriously my opportunity to be one of the people she receives her input from. Additionally, it forces me to be continuously aware of my surroundings.
It keeps my "child eyes" open. It gives me an appreciation for the world around me.
The next time you see something for the first time, challenge yourself to really see it. To ask the "what cause" questions. Share your knowledge and questions with those around you, be they young or old. In other words, see life through the eyes of a child, and you will see a marvelous world waiting for you to explore.
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